Impossibilities~

I'm starting to believe there's such thing as impossibilities. Everything in my life is impossible. I cant even catch up wif my life. I feel tired, i want a rest, i NEED a rest. Can i die and wake up a week later? i seriously feel tired. I'm sick n tired wif my life. It feels like a never ending thing. It's like u got a bunch of homework on monday, then before finishing your monday homework, u get more homework on tues and so on. You juz cant catch up.

Last year PMR, i studied hard. okay, fine, maybe not THAT hard, but you get it rite? anyway then i was thinking of at least a 3 months rest from everything and juz be a typical spoilt brat. but who knows, i end up in school, feeling lost and blur. And i only had 3 weeks of official holiday. Then there's the financial problem. Everyone thinks: 'OMG, I'm so jealous of u la jin zhi. You get to see hot guys, live in a ang mou lang country... blablabla...' never judge a book by its cover. i know it sounds and looks so nice. but HELLOO?! REALITY CHECK!! "NOTHING IS LIKE THE STORYBOOKS OR MOVIES" WAKE UP!!!

maybe what my mom said is right. im going to end up in tanjung rambutan. she says im showing signs of going crazy. i know i look normal and maybe feel normal. but i too think there's something in me that's not going quite right. physically i look normal, like im having a good time but mentally i dont know how far can i still go. im DRAGGING day by day. im so tired that i actually lost touch of weekday and weekend. EVERY and i mean EVERY weekend morning, i end jumping from my bed and thinking: 'shit! im late! im late! why didn't my alarm ring?!' after calming down or seeing my mother's shock face on the bed, only then i realise its a weekend and goes back to sleep. even EVERY FRIDAY, SATURDAY NIGHT i think: 'tomorrow got school, what do i have tomorrow? what do i need to bring or do?'

i think im really breaking down, im in desperate need of rest. can god just let me go?? just let me go la. im feeling tired. if god hates me so much, why cant u just kill me, i welcome you anytime anywhere. im very sorry if i offended anyone.

i want to be the spoilt brat just once in my life time. just ONCE! is it so hard?! why must i be the independant 1?! i dont really mean independant like cooking real meals or washing toilets and all those, i mean mentally i feel so grown up, like i knew too many things i shouldn't.

im sick of standing alone. im sick of carrying everything on MY back. i want something to lean on. i want a brother. at least if i have family problem or something, i can tell him and he'll actually understands and DO something about it. AT LEAST i have someone to lean on and not walk the whole journey on my own in the storm with everything on my back.

I need a rest.

*i know this is a very depressing post, but i feel depressed and i've been keeping this far too long. if you guys have nothing good to say pls dont say as this is no joking matter. thank you.