remind me pls ==

note to self:

- never talk to my mom again.. if not i'll really kill her one day..

she juz dun get wat i mean.. its like she's on the light fm channel and im the hitz fm channel.. she juz cant understand wat im saying!!!!! ish.. from washing clothes, she can connect it with very very stupid n hurting things.. ==

GOD...........

now i have prove that there is never god..

prove no.1: my life suck from the second i was borned till this very second..

prove no.2: failing my history and commerce

prove no.3: everytime i think there's hope, it turns out to be nothing.. not even a speck of dust!!! i thought i could work in a small cinema near my house as they were hiring teenagers.. so when i wanted to give my resume today, they STOPPED ACCEPTING!! wtf.. why cant they stop accepting tomoro or yesterday?! why TODAY?! WHY?!!! but wat was i thinking.. my wish/dreams/ hopes NEVER comes true.. so why did i actually get my hopes up.. why did i even think of it.. and the person i was supposed to give to is a guy called David Stones.. the person i hate the most in my entire life in the entire universe is DAVID!!! ppl wif the name david is mother-******, son of a *****.. i noe im being namist and swearing again.. but thats the fact.. the first david i knew was ************************* he claims he's christian, but christian dun do things like ruining ppl's life!! he was the very first person to ruined my destined to be ruined life!! he practically killed me.. there's 2 david in my skul now.. and nobody likes them.. although i duno them, but still if everybody thinks that, it IS the truth.. 'davids' are juz hate-able.. they're stupid.. even 'davids' in shows are stupid.. i saw 1 thats bout aliens, n this david thinks he was so smart n he was the first to die.. why jin zhi, why were u so stupid??!!! why did u even thinks there's such thing as 'HOPE' in your life..

if there really is a god, he must be bored for thousands of years and finally thought: 'i'll create my own personal human toy, this is getting so boring. i need entertainment!!' n thats the moment he create a person called Lim Jin Zhi.. Me = god's personal toy.. and so he decided to torture me as my life is shortened by every ticking second.. he makes my life hell, maybe he even have a secret leisure of seeing ppl get tortured.. cos he's job was to actually make everyone's life much better, so he wanted a change and that's where i come in..

if there really is god, i bet he's laughing his evil laugh till there'll be disasters tomoro.. so everyone better watch out.. ==

and when i juz got back from my fren's hse, i found that there was a quite big centipede on my bed == god seriously hates me.. he wants me to go to sleep and never wake up.. maybe because my life sucked too well, he's getting bored..

so my conclusion today is..
1. there's no such thing as god.
2. davids are never good news.

a million oppologies~ xD

sorry sorry for all the F words.. i was SUPER SUPER pissed off, so yeah...

SORRY!!!

..........

today was cross-country day.. sat the bus from skul to st. ives park.. the distance was 3km and its not like there's a road for u to walk/run.. its practically jungle trekking.. n it rained yesterday, so freaking muddy.. we walked 1 round n it was enough.. so we juz sat under the tree, playing cards, eating chips.. breakfast, lunch and dinner i ate chips, how healthy.... anyway it was damn fun.. we were laughing n shouting.. really really fun..

den bout 3pm, we sat the bus back to skul.. and cos it was still early, we decided go Luna Park.. its something like sunway lagoon, only not so big and extreme.. AND on every friday after 5pm its half price.. so meaning $25 for all rides.. muahaha.. we sat the roller coaster, 3 different type of turning 360 degree xD, n the 'big splash'.. damn fun!! i was thinking today is the most perfect day ever.. this park is open till 12AM!!! yeah, serious!! till MIDNIGHT!! but we went back at 10pm, was getting tired.. the whole day, screaming, laughing, shouting.. think getting sorethroat d.. omg.. so damn fun!! i wanna go again..

anyway cos we noe at night was going to be cold, so we brought jackets.. i borrowed from my fren la, cos hse too far.. we played 'big splash' last cos we noe we were so going to be wet.. we played without the jacket, so later we can take off our shirt and wear the jacket wif the spaghetti stripes we're wearing underneath the shirt.. when playing that, i accidentally hit Tina wif my elbow cos i wanted to splash water.. ouch!! and it was hard..

den change and sat the train back.. den after Lisa (my ex-neighbour) got down in Chatswood, 2 drunken guai po and 1 guai lou came in the train wif wine in their hands.. den 1 lady sat next to me, 1 sat in front.. so we were practically cornered.. and they started asking stupid questions like "how are u guys today?" "where u going?" i didn't noe to answer or not.. i duwan to answer but if i dun, im scared they'll hit us or puke on us.. Tina wasnt much of a help either, but i dun blame her.. if im her, i'll do the same thing.. den.........

before i knew it.. the FUCKING BITCH in front of us, PUKED ON US!!! yeah.. u heard me.. PUKED ON US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCCCCK!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK THAT BITCH!!!! WAT WAS THEIR FUCKING PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY MUST IT BE US?!!!!! GOD FUCKING HATES ME MAN!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

and 2 drops went into my eye.. =.= FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!! but thank god, she puked in between us, so each of us kena the sleeve and a bit of the side of the jacket.. lucky not FACE!! den we juz walked to the other car (each train got i think bout 10 car, meaning different part) omg la!!!! ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!! when walking there, we took off our jacket because it was too disgusting!!! n we ended up wif oni our spaghetti stripes =.= the very thin type somemore.. it was like 10.30pm wif i think 19 degree celcius and we were wearing spaghetti stripes and kinda wet pants.. wonderful.. and these guys were looking at us like some............ i think my fren saw me so pissed, she tried to make a joke, saying "we have so many clothes in our hands: jacket and shirt, yet we're wearing juz spaghtti stripes, ppl sure say we're crazy" it kinda brighten me for like 10 secs only.. argh!!!!!!

FUCK THAT BITCH!!!!!!! and i met my mom in the train, she went for her church thingy.. when i told her she LAUGHED at me!! wat type of fucking mother is this?! u think getting puked on is FUNNY?!!!!! OMG!!!!! den i walked my fren back becos how can i let her wearing like that at 11pm wif the coldness, walking back alone in the dark street.. i was so freaking cold d, but my mom still wan to go to buy something in Coles, a supermarket that close at 12am =.= cant my mom see that im shivering?! cant my mom see that im not comfortable wearing that?! ish.. my mom never lets me wear sexy stuff and now she juz dun care when i need her to care!! urgh!!!

when i think it was the perfect day, it was ruined by two SUPER SUPER SUPER FAT ANG MO POU IN 2MINS!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*god hates me!!*

=D

FINALLY!!!

finally i had a great time in aussie!! it's still not as great as msia 1 la.. but at least its a start..

today was my skul's open night and me and a few friends stayed back to help.. u juz practically show the primary students wats there in our skul.. anyway we were juz teaching some kids to play chinese thingies cos we were helping our chinese teacher.. and u guys noe that yoyo cina thing rite? well.. i learnt it 6 years ago and now i totally forgotten bout it.. 2 ang mou kids was actually so so so much better than us!! so memalukan man.. wanna find hole to hide d..

so we juz help here, help there and went back at 7pm.. and now its autumn, so its actually getting dark already.. n u noe wat?! the weather hates me.. monday n tuesday, i brought my jumper and wore knee-high socks but it was so freaking hot.. today i was thinking it'll be hot in the afternoon, so i wore ankle socks n no jumper but yet it was cold =.= god seriously hates me..

anyway i think i drank too much soft drink, lets say.. bout half a can..? or maybe it was too long since i drank soft drink.. i noe wat u guys are thinking: "oh, jin zhi din drink soft drink for so long, sure become thin" guess wat im fatter than ever, im officially 50kg == anyway i was so freaking hyper, i kept laughing.. n in public, i actually told my fren quite loudly, u take the escalator, i take the stairs, see who reach first.. so i was wearing my short skirt uniform n running up the stairs 2 at a time (dun worry, got wear pants inside) in the end we reached at the same time LOL! and we continued laughing.. and it was bout 7.3oPM!! n we were still in skul uniform laughing our heads out in the middle of the street and it was DARK! like 9pm msia.. everyone was looking at us, like we were on drugs.. but i seriously cant help myself.. i was so HIGH~ i think im still high now o.O

so we went to makan dinner lo.. here the shops close at 5pm, but we were thinking the food court in the shopping mall wont close that early.. so we so 'xin ku' find the entrance to go to the food court (cos they close all other entrance), but in the end it was closed, so we got to go to some kopitiam like dat.. haiz.. den at the kopitiam we continued our crazyness and we were the only ppl there.. but after the food came we quiet down..

after eating, we balik. so we went to the train station and used the toilet there and the first thing that greeted me after coming out was the big, fat guy staring at me saying: "do u noe wat those borders are?! we juz cleaned the toilet!!" i was the second to get scolded, first was chloe, last was tina.. even that made us laugh!! n we were laughing so loud again in the train.. all the adults think we must be on drugs or drunk.. even i think so!! it was 9PM AND IN SKUL UNIFORM, ACTING LIKE SOME MANIAC!! if i wasnt drunk or on drugs, i duno wat i am..

reached Hornsby n got down.. chloe got down 2 stations earlier.. me n tina same place, she turn left, i turned right..

OMG!!! im never going to come back after 8pm ever again!! i never knew the new street im living in was so freaking dark at night!! no lights at all and the corner of my street was a pub upstairs!!! when i was turning the corner, all these drunken men kept screaming and laughing at each other.. omg.. damn scary!

*hoping life will get better. fingers crossed*

Life..........

will my life ever be the same?? will it ever be back to normal?? will i ever move on??



so many question i wanna ask and KNOW the answers. things i actually wanna noe but can never get the answers. yet things i wish in my whole life i would never knew and be able to live my innocent life, where everything is perfect. okay maybe not perfect, but at least more perfect than my world now.



i WANT!!:



- to play basketball with xian, thung, yvonne, py, and so many more.

- to play badminton with practically the same ppl above including chiasing this time.

- to learn tennis like wat i promised chiasing after pmr is over.

- to continue learning hip hop wif thung, lai mun, schew ee

- to learn guitar wif xian, py, cs.

- to play wif my baby, see her greet me everytime, smell her, touch her.

- to see the twins fight n scream everyday when im back from skul, to hear them calling jie jie.

- to feel once again that im HOME.



im juz not moving on and coping this whole situation as well as clarice i guess. i feel lost. i feel tired. can i turn back the clock to 3 years ago?? can i get things i actually want?? even last year feels like it was 10 years ago. everything is going so fast. i cant catch up. i cant think. i cant even catch my breath. can i actually go back 16 years ago and tell god (if theres really 1) never to create me???

Impossibilities~

I'm starting to believe there's such thing as impossibilities. Everything in my life is impossible. I cant even catch up wif my life. I feel tired, i want a rest, i NEED a rest. Can i die and wake up a week later? i seriously feel tired. I'm sick n tired wif my life. It feels like a never ending thing. It's like u got a bunch of homework on monday, then before finishing your monday homework, u get more homework on tues and so on. You juz cant catch up.

Last year PMR, i studied hard. okay, fine, maybe not THAT hard, but you get it rite? anyway then i was thinking of at least a 3 months rest from everything and juz be a typical spoilt brat. but who knows, i end up in school, feeling lost and blur. And i only had 3 weeks of official holiday. Then there's the financial problem. Everyone thinks: 'OMG, I'm so jealous of u la jin zhi. You get to see hot guys, live in a ang mou lang country... blablabla...' never judge a book by its cover. i know it sounds and looks so nice. but HELLOO?! REALITY CHECK!! "NOTHING IS LIKE THE STORYBOOKS OR MOVIES" WAKE UP!!!

maybe what my mom said is right. im going to end up in tanjung rambutan. she says im showing signs of going crazy. i know i look normal and maybe feel normal. but i too think there's something in me that's not going quite right. physically i look normal, like im having a good time but mentally i dont know how far can i still go. im DRAGGING day by day. im so tired that i actually lost touch of weekday and weekend. EVERY and i mean EVERY weekend morning, i end jumping from my bed and thinking: 'shit! im late! im late! why didn't my alarm ring?!' after calming down or seeing my mother's shock face on the bed, only then i realise its a weekend and goes back to sleep. even EVERY FRIDAY, SATURDAY NIGHT i think: 'tomorrow got school, what do i have tomorrow? what do i need to bring or do?'

i think im really breaking down, im in desperate need of rest. can god just let me go?? just let me go la. im feeling tired. if god hates me so much, why cant u just kill me, i welcome you anytime anywhere. im very sorry if i offended anyone.

i want to be the spoilt brat just once in my life time. just ONCE! is it so hard?! why must i be the independant 1?! i dont really mean independant like cooking real meals or washing toilets and all those, i mean mentally i feel so grown up, like i knew too many things i shouldn't.

im sick of standing alone. im sick of carrying everything on MY back. i want something to lean on. i want a brother. at least if i have family problem or something, i can tell him and he'll actually understands and DO something about it. AT LEAST i have someone to lean on and not walk the whole journey on my own in the storm with everything on my back.

I need a rest.

*i know this is a very depressing post, but i feel depressed and i've been keeping this far too long. if you guys have nothing good to say pls dont say as this is no joking matter. thank you.

hmmm..

let's see wats there to blog..

i feel like changing my name to JayZee.. wat u guys think.. pls tell me..

n my EXAM is on u ppl's HOLIDAY!!! wat the hell T.T someone kill me.. its next week n i haven touch my book yet.. n we got to memorize everything den go into class n write it all in an essay in 30 MINS!!! not 1 hour or 2 u noe but 30 MINS!! somemore need 2 PAGES!! n i duno a thing my stupid teacher is saying.. science, history, geography, commerce all die =.=

n my bao zou po juz told me, the internet is not 100% unlimited.. i cant dl things but i can use it to find information n all those T.T noooo my internet.....

muahaha.. year 10s' are getting free laptops by this term!! brand new FREE laptops.. but they say its gonna be sucky =.= got free can liao la.. who cares..

there's 1 more thing i wanted to say but i forgotten.. hmmm.. next time ba..

replies again

i seriously duno why i cant post comment.. o.O



anyway



>lpy: haha.. cos u no skill ma.. without me u no skill le.. xD

>lao gong: yeng le.. got 4 walls n 1 ceiling, so unique xP